
Then—
I thought the mountain
was something to climb.

Now—
I sit and let it
enter my breathing.
What changed?
A few decades of work
tire tracks on my clothes,
children grown.
Call it life
if you need a word.
— kenne

Then—
I thought the mountain
was something to climb.

Now—
I sit and let it
enter my breathing.
What changed?
A few decades of work
tire tracks on my clothes,
children grown.
Call it life
if you need a word.
— kenne

Cloudless Sulphur On Trailing Windmill — Image by kenne
―

This Is Us Not Losing Sight — Photo-artistry by kenne
Life is short, and it is sinful to waste one’s time. They say I’m active. But being active is still wasting one’s time,
if in doing one loses oneself. Today is a resting time, and my heart goes off in search of itself. If an anguish still clutches me,
it’s when I feel this impalpable moment slip through my fingers like quicksilver… At the moment, my whole kingdom is of this world.
This sun and these shadows, this warmth and this cold rising from the depths of the air: why wonder if something is dying
or if men suffer, since everything is written on this window where the sun sheds its plenty as a greeting to my pity?
— Albert Camus

I’ll Take Saguaros On The Rocks — Image by kenne
— kenne
Slideshow of Monday Morning Milers Hiking The Bug Springs Trail (Elevation — 5,000 to 6,500 ft) — Images by kenne

Great Year for Wildflowers In the Desert Southwest — Image by kenne
— kenne

Arizona Fleabane — Image by kenne

My Christmas Girl — Image by kenne
―

I’m Just A Traveler In Other People’s Reality — Image by a Fellow Higher On The Trail
Invoking the Full Meaning of Life
How best to express sharing new life
when each moment deserves its face.
What seems apropos for the moment,
when the next moment fosters a unique experience.
Is it in a number?
The number of days?
The number of thoughts?
The number of heartbeats?
The number of turns?
The number of prayers?
. . . you can count the ways,
only to still not know life’s score.
Is it in a word?
Loving?
Caring?
Sharing?
Giving?
Sheltering?
Words to communicate thoughts and feelings
when manifested in knowledge and experience.
Or is it in art?
Transforming thought,
expressing feeling,
experiencing emotions and
the desire to evoke life,
even when distance
appears to separate a lifelong bond.
I wrote this in the 1990s. Since then, retirement and moved 1,000 miles from where we had spent 25 years, putting distance between bonds. In the twelve years since moving, we have watched the bonds drift away, causing me to question the desire to evoke life, even when distance can’t separate a lifelong bond.
We moved to the Sonoran desert with the illusion that friends and family would be beating a path to our new home in the desert southwest — not such luck. So we try staying in touch through social media, often questioning whether the bonds were ever real — confirming that we remain tourists in other people’s reality.
I once read a posting by blogger Old Jules, “These damned ego-warts.”
Old Jules was a 70-year-old hermit, living with three cats somewhere in the Texas Hill Country and writing a blog I enjoyed reading from time to time. Old Jules, who passed away April 21, 2020 at 74, had concluded that he has spent over a third of his life “being insignificant in the lives of others.”
In 1992, after 25 years of marriage and a career of 20 years, he began a new career and life in Santa Fe.
“All secure in the knowledge the extended family and friends remaining behind were part of my life in which I’d been and remained important.”
Over time he concluded it was all an illusion.
“Kids, young adult nephews, and nieces I’d coddled and bounced on my knee pealed out of my life-like layers of an onion. Most I never heard from again.”
He began to realize that he was merely tolerated, “. . . a piece of furniture in their lives.”
Over time he rebuilt his life with a more potent dose of skepticism concerning his worth and place in the lives of others, which resulted in his becoming a hermit.
“I no longer assume I’m important in the lives of other human beings and get my satisfaction in knowing I’m at least relevant to the cats.
Because cats, though sometimes dishonest, aren’t capable of the depth and duration of dishonesty humans indulge regularly.”
Old Jules had come to believe “. . . that life is entirely too important and too short to be wasted in insignificance.”
His new awareness of life is now in teaspoon measurements, “. . . measured in contracts with cats not equipped to lie. A determination in the direction of significance measured in teaspoons of reality,
as opposed to 55-gallon drums of dishonesty and self-delusion.”
“Teaspoons, I find, don’t spill away as much life in the discovery
when they’re found to be just another ego-wart of pride and self-importance.”
Bonds, illusion or not, have difficulty being when the moments are separated by time and distance, becoming gleams of light, for an instant, in the long night.
I understand where Old Jules was coming from and feel his disillusionment. There is, however, a binding force that comes from a homesick longing to be whole, to have completion, as Plato described in the myth of the human halves passionately striving towards one. Like all mythical totalities, humans are subject to the triple dramaturgical rhythm of primal completeness, separation catastrophe, and restoration. The most significant attraction effect occurs between the second and third acts of life’s drama, which is where I find myself today — maybe this is also where Old Jules is. I am learning to understand myself from a new divide, one half experienced, the other inexperienced — in such a way that I’m learning to understand myself in new ways.
But then, there are the darn cats!
Kika, what do you think?

Kika (She passed away December 10, 2011.)

Mother’s Boy (August 26, 2006) — Image by Joy
In the summer of 2006, we spent three months trying to get rid of a systemic infection that resulted from hip surgery.
Mother passed away on September 8, 2006, only a couple of weeks after Joy took this picture.
Everyone had convinced me that she was ready to stop fighting —
the pain was too much.
— kenne
— C. S. Lewis

Mt. Lemmon Western Sneezeweed — Image by kenne
The Dominant Themes of Life
Time present
Time past
Time Future
Timelessness
Identity
Memory
Consciousness
Humility
Place
Love
— kenne

Little Cactus On Mt. Lemmon — Photo-Artistry by kenne
The most visible creators I know of are
those artists whose medium is life itself.
The ones who express the inexpressible —
without brush, hammer, clay, or guitar.
They neither paint nor sculpt — their
medium is being. Whatever their presence
touches has increased life. They see and
don’t have to draw. They are the artists of
being alive.
— J. Stone

Turned Around — Image by kenne
Turned around,
Here am I.
Knowing how,
Not the why.
Young in heart
Old in age.
Feeling the itch,
Pacing the cage.
Inner peace,
Knowing the thou.
Learning to write
Thesis of now.
Turned around,
Found love.
Living the moment,
Free as a dove.
Still learning,
When to talk.
Listening for,
Beat of the walk.
Reality is now,
Truth in the heart.
Singing the knowledge,
Requiem to smart.
Turned around,
Found beauty in art.
Traveling the future,
With Dylan and Descartes
— kenne

Texas Johnny Brown at Houston’s Shakespeare Pub — Photo-Artistry by kenne
(Click on Texas Johnny Brown to see archived blog posting on TJB)
— Eugene Chadbourne Source: allmusic.com

Mastro’s Ocean Club Gourmet Restaurant In The Shops at Crystals at Aria Resort and Casino — Photo-Artistry by kenne
Many are making love. Up above, the angels
in the unshaken ether and crystal of human longing
are braiding one another’s hair, which is strawberry blond
and the texture of cold rivers. They glance
down from time to time at the awkward ecstasy—
it must look to them like featherless birds
splashing in the spring puddle of a bed—
and then one woman, she is about to come,
peels back the man’s shut eyelids and says,
look at me, and he does.
— from Privilege of Being by Robert Hass